What the Fuck Has the Environment Ever Done For Us?

The Tree Huggers and the Bull Dykes would have us believe that global warming, shrinking polar bear balls, and heterosexual fornication will contribute to the end of the world as we know it. I for one would rather take the more economically honest position and simply state this: everytime we pollute, destroy, or burn something my stock portfolio goes up a few points- maybe even a lot of points if I'm privy to some inside information ahead of time. Sure, I understand that a few points on a screen doesn't mean shit to someone who eats raw vegetables and practices yoga so that he can lick his own asshole, but we're talking about millions of dollars that I can use to impress my friends here. Does anyone out there realize how many cases of overpriced, impressive-sounding bottles of wine I can buy with millions of dollars worth of environmental waste contracts? Not many necessarily, but when I take a street hooker to my hotel and dazzle her with a $1,200 Chateau Mouton Rothschild Paulliac, she certainly does become more animated as she gargles my cleanly shaven ball sac. In the meantime, what the fuck does the environment offer in terms of profitability or financial misconduct? Sure, we might pick up a million here or a million there, but it's never going to amount to anything compared to the amount of money we can make if we ignore the environmentalists and the faggots. Find me someone who tells me they can make money on something environmentally friendly and I'll show you someone who's too fuckin' old to know better.

What the Fuck Have the Poor Ever Done For Us?

Why can't we teach poor kids how to read? Why can't toilet paper and detergent be purchased with an EBT card so that Gerius can wipe his ass and wash his jeans? Why do 14 Mexicans have to share a studio apartment? Blah, blah, blah... all I ever hear from the liberal establishment is whining and bitching about what the poor don't have, but what the fuck have the poor ever done for us? Taxing me to provide food stamps and social services for poor people is tantamount to the government inviting a black man into my home to eat my dinner and fuck my wife. Why don't they just give him the keys to my Mercedes and throw my kid out of boarding school to make room for some cholo gangbanger? To top it off, the government wants to take away my guns so that Sambo and his gang of Crips can pound me in the ass at will like we're in federal prison on Martin Luther King Day. And don't for one second give credence to the notion that Mexicans are just hard-working, silly, calm, short and drunken mariachis. You turn your back on these guys for 2 seconds and they'll steal your baby and use him as a piñata at their next cinco de mayo party. I've seen it a thousand times. These people are getting out of control, which is why our multi-million dollar gated community has decided to add an additional gate to protect the gate. That's just good economics.