What the Fuck Has the Environment Ever Done For Us?

The Tree Huggers and the Bull Dykes would have us believe that global warming, shrinking polar bear balls, and heterosexual fornication will contribute to the end of the world as we know it. I for one would rather take the more economically honest position and simply state this: everytime we pollute, destroy, or burn something my stock portfolio goes up a few points- maybe even a lot of points if I'm privy to some inside information ahead of time. Sure, I understand that a few points on a screen doesn't mean shit to someone who eats raw vegetables and practices yoga so that he can lick his own asshole, but we're talking about millions of dollars that I can use to impress my friends here. Does anyone out there realize how many cases of overpriced, impressive-sounding bottles of wine I can buy with millions of dollars worth of environmental waste contracts? Not many necessarily, but when I take a street hooker to my hotel and dazzle her with a $1,200 Chateau Mouton Rothschild Paulliac, she certainly does become more animated as she gargles my cleanly shaven ball sac. In the meantime, what the fuck does the environment offer in terms of profitability or financial misconduct? Sure, we might pick up a million here or a million there, but it's never going to amount to anything compared to the amount of money we can make if we ignore the environmentalists and the faggots. Find me someone who tells me they can make money on something environmentally friendly and I'll show you someone who's too fuckin' old to know better.